Sigh.

Is anyone else hideously depressed by the news that BNP members can freely become teachers? Honestly, as someone said on the BBC website, it's hopelessly naive to think that people listening to such views won't at least pause for thought. People are just like that. That's how life IS. I'm sure there has to be some way to legally ban their existance. The BNP are one of the few things that make me physically sick, really, truly. I can't read articles about them because it depresses me so much.

In other news, a couple of quotes to consider. From PInk Floyd's 'Time':
And then one day you find
Ten years have got behind you
No one told you when to run
You missed the starting gun


One of the main reasons my mother wanted me to go to university and get out of my home town is because she feared me feeling like this, like she does. But as I was bussing it to work and listening to the song, it occured to me that I really DON'T feel like that; I can't remember being 16 very well and neither do I want to. I feel I packed my years with useful and interesting things and that the key to feeling vaguely satisfied with one's self is to continue doing so. That said, I miss my home, horrifically. But I guess at least I'm not bored of it.

Second: His efforts to get permanent possession of a soul, He relies on the troughs even more than on the peaks; some of His special favourites have gone through longer and deeper troughs than anyone else.

That's from CS Lewis' 'The Screwtape Letters' and yes, while it's a devil speaking, my point from this quote is that, this is how I've always felt. I don't know whether or not it's a Christian consensus since I dont' know enough about how Christians relate to God to comment, but in my mind it's always been an assumption that to be virtuous, to be deserving, you have to suffer. And right now I'm not suffering much at all; in fact, things are going very well. So my automatic response is, either something awful is coming OR I'm not being virtuous. And for the record, I don't even mean this in a strictly religious sense. More of a karmic one, or something like that. Nonetheless, it's quite inscribed in my personality that when I'm happy, I shouldn't be, for clearly I'm not...purifying myself through suffering. Things going well doesn't necessarily make me content.

I could list a few small things that aren't going well; I have some paltry medical issues and work can be a pain, but since I have Him and my friends (and parents) my life, generally, seems so positive that there has to be a drop. I could, since I'm paranoid, offer a few suggestions but my main gut reaction is just that I'm just not doing something right somehow. Huh.